You’ve heard in recent months how Christian bakers in Oregon and Colorado have been sued for refusing to make a wedding cake for same-sex couples? And how Arizona had even considered passing Senate Bill 1062, which would have protected “Christian” bakers (and other entrepreneurs) from lawsuit if their faith prohibited them from making a same-sex wedding cake, but then NFL Commissioner, Roger Goodell, pressured Arizona Governor Jan Brewer into NOT passing that law? You remember, right? Well, Westboro Baptist Church has an alternative for you bakers: make your same-sex customers a God Hates Fags Wedding Cake! Let us show you how.
Ingredients:
KJV 1611 Bible
1 package white fondant
1 1/2 cups softened butter
3 cups pure sugar
6 eggs
2 tablespoons vanilla extract
4 1/2 cups flour
1 tablespoon & 2 1/4 teaspoons baking powder
2 1/4 cups milk
8 cups of your favorite medium-thin icing (we prefer Wilton’s Classic Buttercream Icing)
Shortening
1) 2-3 hours before baking the cake, cut out three banner shapes from the white fondant and place on wax paper to dry until stiff, 2-3 hours usually. Once stiff, paint “GOD HATES FAGS” onto your fondant banners with black food coloring. Other equally true Bible sentiments fit for the occasion will work, such as: “SAME-SEX MARRIAGE DOOMS NATIONS,” “WHY DID GOD DESTROY SODOM?,” or if you’re really enterprising: “NOAH’S GENERATION WAS THE ONLY SOCIETY TO PUT SAME-SEX MARRIAGE INTO PLACE AND LOOK WHAT HAPPENED TO THEM?”
2) Preheat oven to 325o.
3) In a stand mixer, beat the butter and sugar on medium speed until fully blended; then add eggs, beating mixture after adding each egg. Mix in vanilla extract.
4) In a large bowl mix flour and baking powder.
5) Mix flour mixture with butter mixture until thoroughly combined.
6) Stir in milk.
7) Grease three round pans with shortening and flour preferred. Pan sizes: 6×3, 8×3, 9×3.
8) Pour 3 cups of batter in your greased 6×3 round pan; tap the pan to dislocate air bubbles
9) Pour 5 cups of batter in your greased 8×3 round pan; tap the pan to dislocate air bubbles
10) Pour 7 cups of batter in your greased 9×3 round pan; tap the pan to dislocate air bubbles
11) Place your three pans in the oven, top shelf, bake for 30-40 minutes.
NOTE: if you open the oven too many times, the cakes may be in danger of falling.
12) Let cakes cool in pan for 10-15 minutes, then dump out on cooling racks, and let cool completely. If cakes are still hot when you ice it, the icing will melt. That’s bad.
13) Ice each layer, and stack.
14) Decorate your cake to your liking. Piping shells, draping swags, adding pearls, and if you’re feeling fancy, you could even add a bow!
15) Add your prepared GOD HATES FAGS fondant banners.
16) Take a pic and tweet, mentioning @WBCSays if you want a retweet.
17) Prepare to go out of business, or get sued for 10.9 million dollars (been there, done that) as soon as the cake is delivered.
Stay tuned, wedding photographers!
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